TheToadBlog was a project started by a lovely creature called the Toad. Now the Toad is a pretty little girl who loved all things pink and sparkly as well as all her cuddly friends. Unfortunately something terrible happened to the Toad when she was only small and that left an awful mess in her little head. She has been struggling to deal with that mess ever since and it still causes he much pain and trouble even today.
Now the Toad isnt all alone in the world, oh no, she lives with another creature called Tutphish. Now Tutphish and the Toad love each other very much – so much in fact they are married! Tutphish has a nasty job in the city that takes him away from the Toad all the time. This makes the Toad very sad indeed. Tutphish doesnt like his job for this but it does pay well so that they can both do fun things together when Tutphish isnt at work.
The Toad is poorly with something called “Borderline Personality Disorder” and that can make her do all sorts of crazy things. She is very frightened a lot of the time, but at others she can be so very very angry. Of course she can be all sorts in between too! Tutphish does his best to try to keep her calm and well but sometimes he doesnt do a very good job im sorry to say. The Toad will run off in her slippers and hide, she will shout and scream and Tutphish doesnt always deal with it very well, sometimes he shouts back which makes her even more angry!
The most important thing to the Tutphish is that the Toad is safe, and it scares him terribly when she runs away because he doesnt know where she could be hiding or what might have happened to her. Tutphish feels all alone in the world when this happens and he doesnt know what to do about the Toad. He would love to wrap her all up in cotton wool to protect her from the world but that wouldnt be fair on the Toad – she would get bored with all the white stuff and it makes an awful noise when you squeeze it together!
So the Tutphish does the best he can but he cant be around all the time due to his nasty job. It is in these times during the day that the bad things happen. The Toad has a few friends, people who are poorly like her, unfortunatly these people arent a good influence on the Toad. They get her to do silly things like drink too much alcohol. Now the Toad shouldnt drink alcohol at all because of the special tablets she takes to make her better. The Toad doesnt believe this and thinks she can still drink though. The results arent nice – messy would be a better word. This happens every few days when things get too much for the Toad.
The problems occur when Tutphish gets home, the Toad is normally a calm and placid creature but add alcohol and she turns into a fire breathing monster! Her wrath is terrible to behold. She bangs around and shouts and screams – the Tutphish is usually at a loss as to how to deal with her – he just doesnt know what to do! It is normally better to let her run off her steam and then calm down, however sometimes this doesnt work out and she disappears for hours at a time.
This update was done at such a time and the Tutphish can tell you it is very scary indeed. To not know where the love of your life and the centre of your world is, or whether she is even alright is torture. I just wish there was something I could do to calm her down – something to stop her running away. Everything just seems to make it worse.
So here I am, writing this post to try and put down in words some of my thoughts and feelings. If there is anyone out there who understands what Im going through then please take solice in this one thought – you arent on your own. There are more “silent” carers out there than I previously thought possible, the NHS does such a crappy job of it that it is left to us to help our partners, wives, parents and whoever get through their problems. The worst thing of all though is that just a little help would go a long long way…